Dear Lily
by PrinceoftheNorth
Summary: James Potter writes a letter to Lily Evans the summer between fifth and sixth years.
1. Chapter 1

_Dear Lily, _

_I'm sorry. _

_I'm sorry for everything, for being a complete arse to you all year, for being a stupid prat in general, but especially for what happened with Snape. If I could change anything in the world it would be what happened that day. I never meant for you to be hurt by what happened, I never meant for you to lose a friend. _

_I suppose I've always be jealous of Snape, angry that he got to be your friend and I didn't. I'm not afraid to admit that I was a spoiled child and I'm not used to not getting what I want, and I've wanted to be your friend for as long as I can remember. What was worst is that I could never understand why you would want to be his friend, how you could remain friends with him even after he fell in with Mulciber and Rosier, especially after what happened to Mary. But you never owed me an explanation, I wasn't entitled to your friendship and its your choice who you associate with, even though I can't understand how someone as kind and good-hearted as you can stomach being around someone who hangs around with those wretched blood-purist bastards. _

_I've realized that all the anger and resentment that I've had inside me turned me in to what I hate; someone cruel, someone who takes pleasure in others pain. I know me and my mates have always caused trouble, but I'd like to think that we weren't that, not until this past year at least. _

_I truly do apologize from the bottom of my heart for the pain I know I've caused you. All I can say is that going forward I'll try to be a better person. Perhaps some day I can make it up to you. _

_James Potter _

James sighed after reading over his latest attempt at an apology to Lily Evans. Much better than his previous attempts, but he still didn't think that it was worded as elegantly as he would have liked. Whenever it came to Lily Evans it seemed he was either completely tongue tied or acted like a prat. He'd never meet anyone else who got him flustered like she did.

Maybe this letter could set things right between them, or at least begin to set things right. He wasn't naïve enough to think that after everything that had happened the past year Lily would be willing forgive and forget after a letter in the post.

He wished he'd said something before they had left for summer, shown her how sorry he was for what happened. But after that day by the lake she'd done her very best to avoid him, and he hadn't wanted to push the issue for fear of suffering even more of her wrath.

James was interrupted from his thoughts on Lily by movement to his left. He looked over to see Sirius leaning against his door frame.

"Done wallowing Prongs?"

James frowned "I'm not wallowing Padfoot, just thinking." Sirius snorted and shook his head "Will, if this is how 'thinking' makes you try not to do it too often. I don't know how much more of this moping I can take."

James let his eyes drift away from Sirius and back towards the letter on his desk. "I'll try to make sure it doesn't become a habit. Is there something you wanted?"

Seeing that his friend didn't seem likely to brighten up he got to the point. "I'm leaving" seeing James' confused look he continued "Going to Moony's remember"

"Ah, that. I didn't realize you were leaving today. Will, have a good time" a smirked appeared on James' face "and try not to cause too much trouble." Sirius gave him a matching smirk. "Me? Cause trouble? Prongs if I didn't know better I'd say you didn't know me at all. I'm the closest thing to an angel in all Britain!"

James snorted. "Right, will I'll see you in a week."

Sirius nodded and started to walk out of the room when he stopped and looked over his shoulder.

"And James? Send her the bloody letter already"

James turned to him with a confused look on his face. "I thought you didn't think there was anything to apologize for, change of heart?

"No, I just know that sending that letter is the only thing that will put an end to your current mood, and I want it over by the time I'm back." When he saw James rolling his eyes at that he continued "I mean it! No more moping, I'm sick of it." With that he walked away and left James to his thoughts again.

James picked up the letter and read it over again and deciding that it was probably as good as it was going to be threw it in an envelope and left his room to get Icarus. Sirius was, for once, right. He needed to get that letter in the mail if he was ever going to get out of this funk. Now all he could do was hope that the girl receiving it could find it in her heart to forgive him.


	2. An Unexpected Apology

Chapter 2: An Unexpected Apology

Lily was quite sure that she was currently having the worst summer of her life. She'd been so eager to get home from Hogwarts, to put the events of the end of the year behind her, but it seemed that home was just as bad. Oh, she certainly felt less humiliated, but no more at ease.

Looking back she supposed those last days at Hogwarts could have been worst. None of her friends had been so tactless as to say "I told you so." or "We always said he wasn't worth your time.", although they had certainly thought it, although she couldn't really blame them for that. She should have known that Severus would turn on her eventually, after all, she was a "Mudblood", but she had kept looking for good in him right till the very end. Maybe she wasn't as good a judge of character as she thought she was.

One person she had been right about though was James Potter, who had turned out to be as much of a pompous prick as she thought he had been. After what happened at the lake she hadn't heard any more protests from Marlene about his good character, even she had limits when it came to her beloved cousin. Thankfully after the incident at the lake he had seemed to go out of his way to avoid her, it seemed his reign of terror which had lasted throughout the year ended on the lakeside. In a way she supposed it was fitting that its final chapter had played out as it had, with all the main character there to take part; herself, Severus, Black, Pettigrew, and Remus, as well as Potter himself of course.

Being home meanwhile meant constant reminders of her shattered friendship. The questions from her parents about why Severus hadn't been around, which were only becoming more insistent as she refused to give them a straight answer. She had caught sight of him a few times since getting home, a few times walking up the street alone, another time in the park where they had spent so much time as children. Thankfully he hadn't noticed her any of those times. She didn't want to here anymore of his apologies.

So, on this July afternoon Lily found herself sitting in front of the TV feeling sorry for herself, not even able to use that as an escape after the BBC had interrupted their programing to announce that the British ambassador to Ireland had been blown to pieces by an IRA bomb (It seemed that these days whether muggle or magical Britons had to deal with terrorists). Deciding she didn't want to here anymore from the grim newsreader she turned the telly off and made to go upstairs to her room when she heard her mother calling for her.

"Lily, there's an owl here for you!"

That certainly made her perk up, although wasn't sure who it was from. She had heard from Marlene the day before, and she hadn't written the other girls recently, to in a funk to find anything pleasant to say. She walked into the kitchen to see a snowy owl sitting on the window frame above the sink. She didn't recognize the owl, but maybe one of the girls had gotten a new one, Alice certainly needed a new one anyway.

She took the letter from the owl and gave it a treat in return, which it happily took before going off on its way.

She turned around to see her mother looking intently at her, "Well, who's it from?"

Lily fought the urge to role her eyes, Rose Evans' was always looking for new information on her daughters. This time though she honestly couldn't give her mother an answer.

"Honestly I don't know, I don't recognize the hand writing." Before giving her mother a chance to ask her to read it in the kitchen she turned and headed for her room.

She wasted no time climbing the stairs and closed her door behind her went she entered her room. Sitting on the edge of her bed she looked at the writing on the envelope again. Only her name was written on it, there was no indication of who the sender was. Now that she was looking at it again though the writing did appear somewhat familiar to her.

She opened the envelope and began reading the letter which was contained within. The further into the letter she got the stronger the look of disbelief on her face became. When she had finished it she read it again, and again, and again, looking for any sign of insincerity in it and finding none. She sat on her bed for quite some time, a million thoughts running through her head, the most prominent of them being that it appeared James Potter was capable of self-reflection.

The fact that James Potter admitted to being jealous of Severus Snape of all people certainly blew her mind, that he had given what appeared to be a sincere apology was close behind when it came to shock factor. They had had countless fights in their time at Hogwarts, he had never apologized for any of them, until now that is. Although she had to admit that most of those arguments hadn't been particularly serious before this past year, in fact before 5th year she wouldn't have even said that she disliked Potter, they just hadn't had a lot to do with each other, other than spitting barbs at one another.

Lily was jolted from her contemplation by a knock on the door.

"Come in." she said.

The door cracked open and her mother stuck her head through the gap. "So what was the letter about?"

Lily really did roll her eyes this time, "It was nothing mom, just a letter from a silly magazine looking for a new subscriber."

Lily saw the look of disappointment on her mothers face, no doubt she had been looking for some juicy gossip, but she wouldn't be getting any from Lily today. "Are you still coming to the shops with me?" she asked. When Lily nodded her head she continued, "Then get ready, we're leaving in a few minutes."

"Alright, I'll be right down."

Rose nodded and left, leaving Lily alone in the room again. Looking at the letter that still lay beside her she decided against throwing it away. She would definitely be reading this again. She put the letter back in its envelope before getting up off the better and placing the letter in her desk drawer. As she left her room her mind was still racing, and nearly all of them centered on how she should respond, if she should respond. As she heard her mother shout for her to hurry up she knew those thoughts would have to wait.


	3. Dear James

_Dear James,_

_It was a surprise to get your letter, but not an unwelcome one. I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out what my response should be, or if I should respond at all. I think it will be less awkward for both of us if we work this out before we're back at Hogwarts, so that's why I'm writing now. _

_I accept your apology for being an arse last year. I hope things can be better between us this coming year, although I'm sure we'll still have our quarrels, me being an upstanding student and prefect, you a horrible troublemaker. As far as being jealous of Severus' relationship with me, I can assure that there is no longer anything to be jealous of. It turns out I'm not as good of a judge of character as I thought I was. _

_Which brings me to another thing, you don't need to feel sorry for what Severus said to me. You acted horribly that day, but you didn't force Severus to say that word, and if he was really my friend he never would have said it no matter how much you might have provoked him._

_So yeah, its all water under the bridge for me. I hope you've had a good summer. See you next month. _

_Lily _

Looking over her work, Lily felt quite pleased with herself. It had been two weeks since she had received James Potter's letter and after initially deciding against sending a reply she had changed her mind after thinking of the awkward conversation she would have to have with Potter at some point, so she bit the bullet and wrote her response. In fact, it had come out better than she had thought it would. In hindsight it was a good thing that she had held off, it had allowed her thoughts in line. She suspected that the letter she was sending today was far more conciliatory than the one she would have written just after receiving his letter. His apology had led her to acknowledge that he wasn't responsible for the end of her friendship with Severus. She had just been blaming him to subdue the sting of betrayal she felt when she thought of her old friend.

Lily put the letter in the envelope she had set aside and made her way to the kitchen to call her owl Sadie to take the letter. Just as she was going to open the window and call the owl to her she heard her mother calling out her name.

"Lily honey, I have your laundry here, be a dear and bring it up to your room."

She closed the window and put her letter down on the countertop and headed to her mother. As she took the basket from her mother and began to leave her mother called out to her again.

"By the way, I spoke to your father this morning, we'll head into London to get your supplies next weekend."

Lily turned around quickly; a bright smile glued to her face "Really? that's brilliant!" then in a more somber tone asked "Will Tuney be coming with us?"

Rose gave Lily a sad smile "No, I don't think she will, she said she has plans with her friends."

Lily tried not to let the disappointment show on her face "Oh well, it'll be nice to visit Diagon all the same."

Her mother nodded and then made a shewing motion with her hand "Now go put that in your room, it won't put itself away."

It was after she had finished putting her clothes away that Lily realized that she had left her letter in the kitchen. She sprang to her feet and headed for the kitchen. She heard Petunia complaining that was making a racket through her door, but Lily didn't pay her any mid. She reached the kitchen and was relieved to see her letter where she left. She walked over to the window and opened it and then called to Sadie who flew down from the branch of a tree in their back yard. She gave the owl her letter and sent it on its way, glad she had escaped an integration from her mother about who this boy that she was writing was. Her pleasured disappeared quickly however as she turned around and saw her mother standing in the doorframe, looking at her disapprovingly.

"So, who is James Potter?" she asked.

"A boy from school." Lily replied nonchalantly.

"Yes, I could have guessed that. Why are you writing him? Is he your…?"

It took Lily a moment to understand her mother's insinuation but when she did she went red "Oh god no, me and James Potter are absolutely not a thing."

The conviction in Lily's voice obviously convinced her mother that she was barking up the wrong because a disappointed look came over her face.

"Oh, then what are you writing him about?"

Lily wasn't a very good liar, so she decided she'd tell the truth, or at least part of it "He wrote to apologize for something that happened at school, I wrote him back to say I accept his apology."

Obviously, Lily had taken the wrong approach because her mother seemed very interested again.

"He wrote you to apologize? You must be friends than. Why haven't I heard of him before?

"We aren't really friends, just… acquaintances. We're friends with some of the same people." That was all true but from the look on her mother's face she didn't believe it.

"Well, I can't say I've ever had an 'acquaintance' write me a letter to apologize but maybe they do things differently in the magical world." With that Rose turned and left but Lily suspected this wouldn't be the last time her mother asked about James Potter, the woman could be relentless when she wanted to be.

James was flying in lazy loops on his broom over the Potter Estate when he saw an owl flying in the distance. Probably another letter for his mother. Ever since she had started her "Committee for Magical Equality" she was always receiving letters from supporters and enemies alike, with the latter often sending anonymous death threats. James wasn't worried though, the grounds of Stinchcombe Hall had some of the strongest wards in all Britain, if anyone did try to act on their threats the Potters would be long gone before any attackers got to their home. James continued flying, losing track of time when he heard his name being shouted below. He looked down to see his father waving at him from outside the back door.

"James! James there's a letter down here for you."

That sent James racing to the ground. He had been waiting to hear back from Lily for weeks. He certainly felt better than he had before he sent the letter, but he still wasn't back to his normal self, much to Sirius' continued disgust. James doubted he would be until he heard something back from Lily. Even an angry reply would be better than none at all.

"Who's it from?" James asked before his feet even hit the ground.

"Lily Evans" Fleamont said, although he sounded a bit confused "I didn't think you two got on?"

"We don't, or we didn't, actually I don't know." James said causing his father to snort in amusement.

"That was very enlightening, thank you James." He said with a teasing smile before passing James the letter that had just arrived.

James laid his broom against the side of the house - one of the House-Elves would get it later -before following his father into the house.

James wasted no time in getting to his room and tore the letter open as soon as he was there. Reading the letter he felt a great weight lift from his shoulders, maybe he still had a chance with Lily Evans. Remus had been certain that he had burnt whatever bridges he had left with her, and James had thought so too. But maybe there was a chance.


End file.
